


What If?

by Sexy_Avengers17



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes-centric, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Has Issues, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint Barton-centric, Clintucky Fried Chicken, Hurt Clint Barton, M/M, POV Clint Barton, Protective Bucky Barnes, Social Anxiety, Vent story, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 17:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17450882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sexy_Avengers17/pseuds/Sexy_Avengers17
Summary: Clint worries too much about anything, but he can’t really help it.





	What If?

**Author's Note:**

> This story is mostly a vent. I wrote it quite fast and is sloppy and not one of my best works, but I needed someplace to let everything out and this way seemed okay. 
> 
> So, I have social anxiety most of the time, and thanks to that there’s this little voice at my head making me worry about stuff. Mostly about how people close to me think about me, not necessarily in a low self esteem kind of issue. More like I feel I annoy people around me without meaning to, that something I said made them mad, that whenever they aren’t answering it’s because they’re ignoring me on purpose because of something I did, that I’m bothering them in some way or another. If someone tells me ‘we need to talk’ I spiral into nervousness because I’m sure it’s about something wrong in me or that I did. Which is what I based this fic on 
> 
> So Yeah that kind of stuff. It leaves me feeling extremely anxious sometimes and I just can’t help it. I needed to let it out in a way, and I found it easier to pour what I felt into a character, so I did this to try and express at least a part of how it feels to be socially anxious over little things and how I wished I could deal with it.

_When I get back we need to talk._  

Clint read and reread Bucky’s text trying to find out what it meant. Bucky was over at Shield headquarters doing work at the moment, so Clint couldn’t call to see what was up. 

He still sent a reply that left it open for Bucky to answer back to him if he wanted, but he didn’t do it. 

Clint tried not to think about it, but he couldn’t help checking his phone every five minutes to see if there were any replies or check if Bucky had seen his message. 

Nothing at all. Maybe Bucky was ignoring him at the moment or—

He shook his head and put his phone away to avoid looking at it. Clint tried not to spiral into panic and made himself believe that was just the social anxiety talking. This new and recent thing he had going on with Bucky was something he liked a lot, and he thought Bucky did too.

So Clint tried not to read too much into the text. It could mean literally anything, right?

But his brain was always telling him differently. Maybe he did something wrong that had bothered Bucky, but Clint couldn’t recall any screwups lately. Or maybe it was one of his bad habits that had annoyed Bucky too much.

Clint constantly checked the hour too, waiting for the clock to hit eight so Bucky would arrive home and talk to him, but time seemed to go even more slow now. 

Minutes went by like that. Clint couldn’t resist it anymore, and he grabbed his phone again to check. Still nothing.

He felt less air was getting to his lungs now, and he noticed his hands were trembling slightly.

Clint groaned and went to the bathroom to wash his face. He was not getting a panic attack this time.

He observed his worried face on the mirror. What if it was something about him that annoyed Bucky? Or maybe Clint had tired him already, and Bucky was slowly starting to not like him anymore.

What if—

“Clint?” someone said. Clint took in a deep breath. It was Bucky. He went back downstairs to be greeted by him.

“Hey there,” Clint said. He tried to act casual. He didn’t want Bucky to know about his social anxiety. If he found out about it, it was just going to give him another reason not to like Clint.

Bucky was already reheating food for them to eat dinner, so Clint took a seat at the counter while he waited.

He had expected Bucky to bring up the topic, but he didn’t. Clint drummed his fingers against the counter to keep himself busy.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Clint asked once Bucky had seated opposite him and they started eating.

Bucky shook his head. “Let’s eat first,” he said. “I’m dying of hunger.”

Clint nodded and found himself trying to eat faster without being noticed. Maybe the fact Bucky wanted to leave it for later meant it wasn’t something serious at all, and Clint was worrying about nothing.

Or maybe it was something that required a lot of talk because it was serious and—

“Hey, Clint!” Bucky exclaimed. Clint blinked at him in a daze. “You zoned out.”

“Sorry.” Clint continued to eat while observing Bucky and trying to read his body language, but his mind was too loud to think straight.

“Did I do something wrong?” Clint asked quietly at last, looking away from Bucky.

“What?” Bucky asked. “Why are you asking?”

Clint shrugged and played with his food to act nonchalant about it. “Nothing just, you said we needed to talk, and then you were ignoring my message,” he said. “I thought maybe I had done something to annoy you.”

Bucky seemed to put his food to the side now. Clint did the same as he wasn’t hungry anymore. Bucky took both of Clint’s hands over the counter and made Clint look at him.

“Nothing’s wrong with you. I promise,” Bucky said. “What I meant with that text is about us. This. I want us to go official, if that’s okay with you. Move my stuff in here and live together.”

Oh. So Bucky didn’t— He wasn’t going to say anything bad.

“I would love to do that,” Clint said. He lied his head against the table and groaned. “I’m so stupid, thinking something was wrong.”

“Hey, you’re not,” Bucky said. He started softly caressing Clint’s hair. “Clint, where is this coming from?” he asked.

Clint sighed and sat back up. “I, uh, I’ve got social anxiety,” he admitted quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I’m a huge mess already, Buck, and then there’s the self esteem issue.” He shrugged and looked away. “The social anxiety was just going to bring out another bad thing about me that might annoy you.”

“Clint, I would never get annoyed by you or anything like that,” Bucky said. He brought one of Clint’s hands up to kiss it tenderly. “And yes, maybe you’re a mess and got your issues but that’s completely fine by me. I love you like that.”

“It is?” Clint asked softly.

“It’s fine, darling,” Bucky started, “and remember I would never think anything’s wrong about you ever. I would prefer for you to tell me about it so I can help you.”

Clint stared at Bucky. At Bucky who understood him. He leaned over the counter to hug him tightly.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “Thanks for understanding me.”

That was all Clint had needed. For someone to understand him.

_And Bucky did._

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me at tumblr now as sexy-avengers17


End file.
